Working with Identity

"Who we become is a question of who we have been allowed to become."

So many clients I work with tell me they've lost sight of themselves — not all at once, but bit by bit, after years of putting everyone else first and adapting to other people's demands.

That's not a flaw in you; it's what happens when you've had to hold things together for a long time, suppressing your own needs and masking to meet standards that are not yours. Therapy is where we slow down and start paying attention to you again — what you actually want, what excites you, what calms you, what feels like you.

When Identity is Challenged

Life events can create demands that disrupt our sense of self. I support clients navigating these profound shifts:

  • Role Changes: Taking on unfamiliar or daunting roles, such as adjusting to parenthood or new professional demands.

  • Relationship Loss: Learning to live and make choices for yourself after being part of a couple.

  • Health & Ageing: Accepting the loss of capacities that felt central to your self-image and finding new ways to strengthen your identity.

  • Career Transitions: Drawing on my own 20-year corporate background, I help clients navigate redundancy or second-career shifts.

How We Reclaim Your Sense of Self

My work involves exploring the "natural shape" of your identity and identifying what has obstructed it. Using the framework of Transactional Analysis, we look at:

  • Early Shaping: Understanding how early experiences and family expectations told you who you "needed" to be to remain connected.

  • Authentic Living: Noticing your true instinctive preferences and whether your current life fits with what you actually value.

  • New Choices: Experimenting with setting boundaries, investing in different relationships, and finding compassion for the person you are becoming.

A Collaborative Journey

Identity is not a "fixed" thing to be repaired, but a process to be facilitated. Whether your questions of identity are the core issue or a guide through other challenges, I will listen with empathy and support you at a pace that feels tolerable.

If this sounds like you, please get in touch to talk about how we can work together.